The Moneyist: ‘It’s outrageous that she would order something so expensive’: Should a vegetarian pay for a friend’s steak by splitting the bill 50/50? What’s fair?

When I saw her order something so expensive, I felt like ordering a soup or dessert to even the score, but I stayed with my salad. But if I’m being honest, I lost my appetite. My friend has put on weight over the last two decades and, while I have struggled with mine, I have managed to stay within 15 to 20 pounds of my college weight, except during the early days of COVID-19. If she wants to indulge, that’s fine by me. It’s her life. But is it fair for her to split the bill 50/50?

As for your meal: If the difference was a few dollars here or there, I would expect the carnivore (in this case) to say, “Mine was expensive. I’ll pay a little more.” You, the vegetarian, could take the opportunity to say, “That’s very nice of you, OK.” Or, “Don’t worry about it! I had more wine.” Of course, it’s always nice when someone offers, and sometimes that’s enough.

The lasagna cost nearly $20 more, almost twice what your salad cost. If your bill came to close to $100 including wine and sales tax, it’s absolutely fine to say, “Would you mind leaving the tip since I only had the salad?” She could say, “Yes, of course,” and nurse a resentment or not. Or she could raise an eyebrow and — unfairly, in my opinion — call you a tightwad.

Rachel is entitled to her humanity too. A friend should not make snarky comments about the other’s weight. You are annoyed with Rachel for not offering, and probably annoyed that you allowed yourself to pay $20 more. It’s your responsibility to speak up if she does not: Your money, your food, your prerogative. Carnivores should eat meat, not take a bite out of their companion’s budget.

But if we always waited for other people to take the initiative, we would be sitting in a restaurant waiting for that bill for an eternity.

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