The Moneyist: ‘Something snapped inside him’: My contractor boyfriend of 2 years dumped me. He said I was using him to fix up my house.

Last weekend, he hung some blinds for my daughter. Then I asked him to take a look at my pond, as it was leaking. We worked on the pond for a few hours and, when we were done, he was angry and tired of doing things around my house. He said it wasn’t his house, even though he stays there 12 to 15 times a month. 

There was an economic imbalance in your relationship. That is not a dealbreaker, but it does not seem like something you both addressed in an open fashion. He traveled 45 minutes to spend time at your home because his own residence was not suitable or welcoming due to his daughter’s chilly attitude toward you. He was at fault too: He rarely treated you to dinner out, and you paid for groceries.

A transactional relationship and economic imbalance can lead to the equivalent of dry rot in your foundations. If problems are not dealt with head on, they get worse with time and make your life together less secure, until suddenly everything collapses. Two years is a long time after which to receive such a surprise, but people have been served with divorce papers after 20 years for similar reasons.

This study by researchers at the University of Denver found that 54% of couples cited financial reasons as the cause of a breakup, the fifth most common reason after lack of commitment, infidelity, too much conflict and arguing, and getting married too young. What studies often leave out are couples who never argue, but never solve their problems either. It’s just as deadly.

So what now? Keep your own domestic chores separate from the relationship until or unless you move in together. Chip and Joanna Gaines are equal partners, after all. Those renovations really only benefited you. Watch out for future inequities related to time and money, whether it’s driving a long distance or who buys what. And if your next boyfriend is a dentist, don’t tell him you’ve always wanted veneers.

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